[Smothering what really matters] The perfect woman is a bitch

Evening dear readers,

I hope you are all enjoying these merry days which are synonymous to meeting up with mates, going out for a drink in a nice and warm pub with close friends and chit-chat with close « girl friends » in a tea room to vent and to talk small (both are just great when you need cheering up). These Xmas holidays are being synonymous to taking up a great challenge which is putting me to the test when it comes to coping with a high level of stress. I am having more hours at my workplaces and I am so afraid of failing, so scared to have my health damaged again.

It seems I have to explain this blogpost’s title. Well, In France you can see in all bookshops a book called  » la femme parfaite est une connasse » which can be translated into « the perfect woman is a bitch ». « Connasse » could alose be translated into « stupid chick ». After mildly arguing with my boyfriend, it came up as a answer putting an end to the argument: « You can see this title everywhere in bookshops even in supermarkets, as I don’t mean to be a silly chick, I don’t mean to be perfect for you ». It came as a not so harsh answer (I suppose I might be much harsher from time to time) because I had again felt offended in my feminity. Why should I always shave my hairs? Yes, my boyfriend’s remark was no glamourous whatsoever but this time I felt the little confidence I have in my feminine power was waning. Why can’t men be gentle? I mean, the last weeks were busy for the both of us, my blood pressure just dwindled and this has much consequence on my life, therefore I admit I didn’t take care of my skin, my hairs and my hair, my nails and so on. Well, I manage to bake a tasty apple pie with cinnamon and almonds, I am cooking a bit more than usual because we both are on holidays. Please, give me a break man!

I’m starting to have enough of all the reproaches I may hear from my work, from my lack of enthusiasm when I’m home, I stop ranting now 🙂 You get what I mean? At some point you just want to break free and wish you didn’t give a damn about most things, my own self-achievement is what matters most with my friends, family and boyfriend.

What is a perfect woman? The one you see in the covers of magazines? The one blowing the best job ever? Or the one standing her ground when it comes to her own conception of feminity, life, etc?

I’m sometimes tired of adulthood, I just want to lead the life I want to, of course not alone but I am tired of explaining, sometimes!

Take care readers! And happy Yule or any celebration which fills your heart with joy 🙂

Sighild

[Growing Old] You ain’t gonna put nothing over on me

Evening dear readers,

Wherever you may roam, at some point in life we are so fucked up with other people’s opinions getting meddled with our own appreciation of life and its harsh reality.

After talking with my boyfriend I noticed that I am so fed up and worn out by people (close or not at all) giving me pieces of advice in a scornful and or fatherly/motherly tone as though I had no full previous knowledge of life and how to cope with its (many) hardships and deception. As the lack of self-confidence has been a loophole in my entire life, people took advantage of it and seized the opportunity either to preach or to push me down to make me feel like crap. I will never allow that, may the Ones watching over me shake me into reclaiming my own Power.

Other things which have been (and still are) difficult for me to swallow: true that life at work may sometimes be painful and even excruciating when nothing occurrs the way you planned. If things are going tougher for you, you should not vent too much and with well weighed words. When can you speak freely? I kinda understand that complaining can start to be very annoying for the people listening to you but aren’t we all humans, with some weaknesses and hard times in which we all need some care and support?

Growing old may turn into a harsh experience, I cannot wait to attain blissfulness with a free, positive and genuine smile.

Good night dear readers!

Sighild

PS: The title of this post is taken from a sentence in John Steinbeck’s novella Of Mice and Men