*Beware, I just need to let go of what boils in me, things have to be written*
Hi dear readers,
I have had no time recently to get back to blogging about what life throws at me. And this year has not been an easy one: resignation, a demise, not feeling well at the workplace, feeling crap and the feeling of having always been the one who does not speak and the one who has to listen because she can fit in even though I tried. Many feelings (anger, sadness, bitterness, self-hate, low self-esteem, etc) have run through my soul and some seem to like lingering.
My job AND the working conditions have always angered me. It implies the need to talk about it, when you are feeling down. What has always struck me is that it seems that talking out about it is a taboo. Some people might retort; ‘But hey why don’t you quit your job and start doing something else?’ This angers me like hell: ‘Hey you, who the fuck you are to give great advice? Are you in my shoes, do you know me better than I do? Do you think it’s easy as ABC to quit a job as if by magic? So do it yourself then if you think that’s soooo easy. For fuck sake, just have a clear look at statistics: how many people on the dole? How many people struggling to find a job meeting up their background, even if they are trying to lower their ambitions?’ Since I am a teacher, never have I been on the dole. Even if my work experience so far has been a bit chaotic (always underpaid), I have learnt a lot, but not always in the positive way. Hence the fact I’ve been hating human kind more and more. And sometimes, myself. And this sickening system.
Now that I am a real grown-up, I cannot stand receiving (and having to receive) so-called ‘paternalistic advice’ or mothering scolding from ANYONE! I do loathe being preached as if I were a child.
Scratch, I know you too well! Leave me alone, please as soon as possible!