Hi dear readers, It’s time I ventured about a strange and awful dream I just had before lunch. Yes, I was sleeping just before lunch; before I had got up because some thoughts had been haunting me. Which leads me ponder that I am being haunted by many thoughts. My near future is somewhat uncertain as to where I am going to be working as of September onwards.
My contract is gonna end in August but I actually finish within a fortnight. Very honestly this end is more than wanted, I do need it. In some way I’m starting to be wondering if the two-month holidays won’t be, at the very beginning, slightly disturbing. I have been so used to running between two or three places every week and once this is over, what will I have? Of course I have friends but they are a bit scattered all over the world (well, that would me much more appropriate to state they are scattered all over Europe). I am dead scared of being alone, having many desires/projects in my mind but no real
I haven’t been able to cry for many weeks now. I have endured stress, strain, pain, doubts, the fear of being rejected/unloved, many other frustrations of any kind. Am I getting stronger on the surface, but still fragile inside perhaps strenghtening my heart not to be disillusioned again? These yellow snakes stuck on my feet, shoes, even went to my bed. Mostly yellow with some « dots » of black. If you look up for some meaning, it means my lover is being a hypocrite and I should beware, must trust my intuition. What the hell is that? must be the lack of good sleep, stress, strain, some sufferings from the past going back to the surface and the beer I drank yesterday.
If I try to put order in my emotions, feelings and thoughts, my sleep is quite upside down and talking about past love affairs is getting me down (though it’s sometimes necessary to make things clear).
Cannot wait for Friday, cannot wait to gain strength and get back to a clear thinking and a better communication (oops, did I tell you now we are in the Mercury retrograde?). For the better side of the last hours, I went with my boyfriend to the Music Day (we have a special in France when it comes to celebrating music at the inception of summer) and there was a good local band playing, we wandered around. Cannot wait for more time with peace and relaxation 🙂