Hi dear readers, I have been away from the cyber world for quite a long time again and over again.
As the end of the academic year is drawing near (but still about 5 full weeks to go), I am starting to feel tired (as the pupils are excited to go from school to go on holidays), even a bit shattered by the whole year which has not been past my life yet. I still have to wait for a real break in order to ponder, meditate, recover from this hectic and never-ending questioning professional year. Professional but the personal life got eaten away by the coming into a new profession for which I had not studied. And I was always feeling weaponless, defenseless even. That caused a nervous breakdown, I left my flat for some time and my life seemed to be falling apart. I felt like an awful amount of crap, and in this time of ordeal, I began to desperately hang on to my new faith (which is put on hold right now, trying to still recover I guess), praying, walking around to feel Divinity whenever I was walking. But I felt extremely bad, emptied and hopeless, helpless.
Well, I would like to enhance the good side of my life. Yes, I am back after a while, a awful time for me. For months, it seems I had been attracted to some man, whereas during the Xmas hols I started a relationship with another one. At that time, it seemed my « feminine power » (dunno how to call it properly in English) was rising. And I felt awesome. Though the stress with my job also got the worst into my life. Now I remember how sad and bad I was feeling, he was not that on my mind because I was feeling so crappy. In a way, when I look back, life was being so harsh but now life is getting things into a better way. Of course not everything is perfect or fit but as a woman I am feeling better. This awesome and quiet impression that, at last, I am becoming treated like a woman, with some projects or wishes ahead, with the man I’ve been gazing at for months. I never thought it would come true though I dreamed it would. Perhaps I felt it is the right one?
As for spiritual matters, I put on hold many things, partly due to professional reasons (too much stress to deal with, lack of self-confidence as I am beginning on this professional path, and so on). If I have been into Tarology and Divination, I stopped because I feel I have to let go of fear of the future and let things come as they are, without any previous knowledge that would prevent me from enjoying anything coming toward me. I also noticed that I consult any deck whenever I am feeling down or going through tough times, in order to find a relief through cards and their multiple possible meanings;
Now it’s time I went to bed to listen to music and go on with some reading (yes, I managed to find a good reading written in English, seems I cannot follow in my native language, how strange, hu?)